More thought on the corrosive impact on public debate, law and policy when what is not true, or not known to be true, is nevertheless promoted as absolute truth
I went through Family Court for three years after fleeing to a refuge. At first he was denied contact, then given supervised (in which they left him alone and he obtained my location from my younger child) then supported, then unsupported and overnight. Every mother I know experienced the same progression, regardless of severity of abuse.
CAFCASS and a therapist were concerned that sexual abuse of a child may have ocurred but no disclosure was made so they just moved on.
Allegations of emotional and physical harm to a child were PROVED yet contact still granted. The judge said "this case has gone on long enough"
What they go through with him now is wrong and unfair and they were not safeguarded. My child was hospitalised the first night with him. Social services just called him and said 'be more careful.' No one even checked his home or the people he was living with before the children stayed there.
You may not believe that allegations of serious abuse are found and contact is granted regardless but it is. You may not believe abuse victims state is real and is, as you state 'percieved abuse' but there are so many women with stories like mine or much worse.
You may not believe it, but it happens. Domestic abuse is real and family courts, veiled in secrecy are serving the function of enabling abuse to continue and creating harmful myths that victims are perceiving the abuse.
I doubt you will believe me because you have been iicredibly dismissive of the experiences of victims who have been through family court, so I will not doscuss my experiences in depth as I do not want my abuse dismissed and to be claimed to be exaggerating or a liar. But I am a victim of domestic abuse and what I experienced in family court is real and my children ard I are forced into unsafe contact for the next decade.
I am afraid I do not believe you. Not because I am 'dismissive of the experience of victims'. But because I rely on my own experience over 20 years. I have never had a case where a man was found to have caused serious harm to a woman or child who was allowed unsupervised contact without some kind of intervention. I have known many cases where men were denied all direct contact. So where do we go from here? Your experiences are utterly alien to me. They do not fit with what I know and have experienced over 100s of cases. You tell me I am wrong. But all I have are these words on a page. They are not enough, I am afraid, to persuade me to jettison all I have experienced over 20 years.
Having worked for child and family services I saw multiple cases of children being put with their abusive parent (usually the father).
I also have a friend and a family member who had their reports of abuse dismissed by courts and their children placed with the abusive father.
Then there are the cases of family annihilators who murder their children while having a visitation. It could be a case of “man bites dog” syndrome where you remember the outliers because they’re rare (dear god I hope that’s the case) rather than it being a common occurrence.
When my parents divorced my mother’s lawyer advised her NOT to push for sole custody because he thought (probably correctly) that my “father” would fight for custody out of spite whereas if she went for joint custody he would run screaming from the building at the prospect of the responsibility. The lawyer was right, she applied for joint custody and he begged her to have sole custody. He had visitation rights but I can only recall him ever showing up twice in my life.
The family courts are a cluster f*ck, there’s a reason social workers burn out so quickly, it’s not seeing the abuse (entirely, obviously that takes its toll) it’s seeing the abusers aided and abetted by the “justice” system that kills their souls.
Because I disagree with you does not make what I write ‘misinformation’. I do not accept that the family courts ‘dismiss’ allegations of abuse. Finding something not proven is not the same as ‘dismissing’ it.
I ‘feel’ very strongly about untruth, misrepresentation and propaganda being allowed to dictate law and policy. Again - our disagreement doesn’t necessarily make me ‘wrong’. But as you don’t seem willing to consider another point of view may have any validity, I agree we are not going to benefit from this exchange.
I went through Family Court for three years after fleeing to a refuge. At first he was denied contact, then given supervised (in which they left him alone and he obtained my location from my younger child) then supported, then unsupported and overnight. Every mother I know experienced the same progression, regardless of severity of abuse.
CAFCASS and a therapist were concerned that sexual abuse of a child may have ocurred but no disclosure was made so they just moved on.
Allegations of emotional and physical harm to a child were PROVED yet contact still granted. The judge said "this case has gone on long enough"
What they go through with him now is wrong and unfair and they were not safeguarded. My child was hospitalised the first night with him. Social services just called him and said 'be more careful.' No one even checked his home or the people he was living with before the children stayed there.
You may not believe that allegations of serious abuse are found and contact is granted regardless but it is. You may not believe abuse victims state is real and is, as you state 'percieved abuse' but there are so many women with stories like mine or much worse.
You may not believe it, but it happens. Domestic abuse is real and family courts, veiled in secrecy are serving the function of enabling abuse to continue and creating harmful myths that victims are perceiving the abuse.
I doubt you will believe me because you have been iicredibly dismissive of the experiences of victims who have been through family court, so I will not doscuss my experiences in depth as I do not want my abuse dismissed and to be claimed to be exaggerating or a liar. But I am a victim of domestic abuse and what I experienced in family court is real and my children ard I are forced into unsafe contact for the next decade.
I am afraid I do not believe you. Not because I am 'dismissive of the experience of victims'. But because I rely on my own experience over 20 years. I have never had a case where a man was found to have caused serious harm to a woman or child who was allowed unsupervised contact without some kind of intervention. I have known many cases where men were denied all direct contact. So where do we go from here? Your experiences are utterly alien to me. They do not fit with what I know and have experienced over 100s of cases. You tell me I am wrong. But all I have are these words on a page. They are not enough, I am afraid, to persuade me to jettison all I have experienced over 20 years.
Having worked for child and family services I saw multiple cases of children being put with their abusive parent (usually the father).
I also have a friend and a family member who had their reports of abuse dismissed by courts and their children placed with the abusive father.
Then there are the cases of family annihilators who murder their children while having a visitation. It could be a case of “man bites dog” syndrome where you remember the outliers because they’re rare (dear god I hope that’s the case) rather than it being a common occurrence.
When my parents divorced my mother’s lawyer advised her NOT to push for sole custody because he thought (probably correctly) that my “father” would fight for custody out of spite whereas if she went for joint custody he would run screaming from the building at the prospect of the responsibility. The lawyer was right, she applied for joint custody and he begged her to have sole custody. He had visitation rights but I can only recall him ever showing up twice in my life.
The family courts are a cluster f*ck, there’s a reason social workers burn out so quickly, it’s not seeing the abuse (entirely, obviously that takes its toll) it’s seeing the abusers aided and abetted by the “justice” system that kills their souls.
I quite enjoy your articles but this one is chock full of mistakes and misinformation.
Here is an article about “parental alienation” and the courts’ problematic and frequent dismissal of (usually) women’s reports of abuse.
https://scholarship.law.gwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2792&context=faculty_publications
Because I disagree with you does not make what I write ‘misinformation’. I do not accept that the family courts ‘dismiss’ allegations of abuse. Finding something not proven is not the same as ‘dismissing’ it.
Clearly this is something you feel very strongly about. You’re wrong, but as it’s your site I won’t press the issue further.
I ‘feel’ very strongly about untruth, misrepresentation and propaganda being allowed to dictate law and policy. Again - our disagreement doesn’t necessarily make me ‘wrong’. But as you don’t seem willing to consider another point of view may have any validity, I agree we are not going to benefit from this exchange.